Anyone who knows me very well will tell you that as much as an introvert I am, I really love to engage in deep conversations (one’s that people usually avoid talking about) where I do not only speak but I learn from them, and after a very heated conversation or should I say a debate with my bf, I have learned so much.
The conversation started with, what if one of us had an opportunity to go to another country for a certain period of time, would we survive it?, can a couple cope in long distance relationship? and will it not kill the relationship? and after an hour or so of a loooong debate, I agreed that Yes, it is possible to survive long distance even though there will be a lot of challenges along the way, however here is another challenge, what if one gets an opportunity and the other is not okay with it? do you still go on and take that opportunity or do you sacrifice that opportunity for the sake of your relationship?
As much as i said ‘hell yeah I would definitely take that opportunity‘, like I mentioned above, I did not just talk from this discussion, I also learned from it, and there is one thing I have learned from this conversation; I have learned that it takes two people to make a relationship work.
There is a saying that states, it take two to tango therefore there is no way a relationship can work if two people are not putting in effort and sacrifices. This conversation reminded me that I was one of those people who thinks relationships are all roses and candles and they are not. And I should STOP. I have come to realize that it takes sacrifices and work for a relationship to really survive. They say it is not for the faint-hearted mainly because this where you no longer think about your self, but you think about the other person as well.
Now going back to the discussion; for a relationship to work, it take two people. when your partner does not approve of something no matter how much you want that particular thing, be it a job, friend, house etc… if you want your relationship to really work you have to sacrifice that thing no matter how hard it is. In one of our usual conversations, one of my bff’s told me that a relationship is about meeting the other person halfway, its not just about you, but about the other person as well. You have to forget about me, me, me, and remember its us, us, us.
And I asked; if I constantly sacrifice things for the other person, is that a good thing for me? didn’t they just say you have to be good to You first, in order to be good to the other person?
But here is the catch, like i said, a relationship is not no longer about you only, its about two people, it is about two people who love one another and their plans have to always fit each other in no matter how difficult it is, therefore making a decision, you should not look at it as if you are constantly making sacrifices for the other person to make them a favor, but you are doing it because you love that person and you want to make it work.
A lot of people fail when it comes to this not because they do not know but because they forget that the whole making it work is not based on doing someone a favor, but it is based on LOVE to make it work. It is based on being Intentional to make it work. Therefore the sacrifices and the decisions you make is all about Love towards the other person in your relationship.
While it is very important to always consider that it takes two people’s sacrifices to make it work in a relationship, there are other things that we shouldn’t base our sacrifices on;
- You shouldn’t sacrifice the things you love if your partner wants you to do them based on their own insecurities, in simple terms, you shouldn’t stop what you love if your partner wants you to sacrifice your job or other things because he/she doesn’t trust you and perhaps they think they are going to lose you to colleagues, friends etc… in this situation, the problem is not with you but with them. Therefore you should go a head and do you and live your life, because if your partner doesn’t trust you now, then it is probably going to be worse as times goes by.
- You shouldn’t sacrifice nor even try to make it work if you don’t see a future with that person. I always see people make decisions based on how it worked for other people, and they forget that relationships are different, just because it worked for other people, it doesn’t mean it will work for you. therefore if you do not see a future, then do not settle for less.
- Another mistake that people make is that they sacrifice to try and make it work in their relationship even when they deeply know there isn’t Love anymore. I mentioned above that sacrifice in a relationship is based on Love and not passive favor for the other person, therefore your sacrifices shouldn’t be made if there is no love towards that person. Otherwise you will end up having resentment from not being able to do the things you wanted to do and have hate towards an innocent person, when in fact you are at fault.
- And lastly do not be quick to sacrifice things to make it work for your relationship at early stages in your relationship such as 2 weeks in it. The early stages are there for you to discover that individual and learn who they are and if he is the one for you, therefore take your time. While others can spot immediately that he/ she is the one, do not copy others, because what works for someone does not automatically mean it will works for you, remember we’re all different, therefore you need to be certain first and go with the ride.